Purple Paws Initiative

“Is it abuse if he never hits me?”

I kept Googling the same question over and over. I can't tell you how many times I searched that. Every article talked about bruises. Broken bones. Shelters. None of it felt like my life.

My life looked like apologizing for things I didn't do. Handing over my paycheck because it was “easier.” Being afraid to answer my phone if he was around. Feeling like I had to explain every minute of my day.

I stumbled across one of IgniteHer's blog posts late one night. I remember sitting there thinking… How does she know exactly what's happening in my life? That was the first time I stopped calling myself “too sensitive.”

I didn't leave that night. I didn't even leave that month. But I stopped believing I was the problem. Looking back, that's where my way out began.

“Abuse isn't always loud.”

I wasn't looking for help. I was scrolling Facebook. That's it. One of IgniteHer's reels came up, and I almost kept scrolling.

Then I heard the words, “Abuse isn't always loud.” I stopped. I watched the whole thing. Then I watched another. And another.

For weeks I never commented. Never liked anything. I just watched because I wasn't ready to admit any of it out loud. Eventually I reached out.

It wasn't the video by itself. It was the first time I heard someone describe what I was living through without making me feel crazy.

I was sooo tired. Not scared. Not angry. Just… tired.

Tired of wondering what mood he was going to be in. Tired of rehearsing conversations before I walked through the front door. Tired of pretending everything was fine at work. Tired of making excuses.

I came to an IgniteHer workshop because someone invited me. I cried almost the whole drive home. Not because I felt hopeless.

Because for the first time, someone described exactly what I'd been living through. I finally had words for something I'd been trying to explain for years.

The private conversation changed everything.

I didn't ask a single question during the workshop. I smiled and took notes. Pretended I was there to support someone else.

After everyone left, I quietly walked over and asked, “Can I ask you something?” That conversation lasted maybe twenty minutes.

Nobody told me what I had to do. Nobody made me feel stupid for staying. They just listened.

I walked out with a few phone numbers, a notebook full of things I'd written down, and the first real confidence I'd had in years.

I thought I was helping a friend.

A friend sent me one of IgniteHer's podcasts and said, “You should listen to this.” I rolled my eyes.

Halfway through, I realized I wasn't listening because it reminded me of her relationship. It reminded me of mine.

I had spent years telling myself, He's just stressed. He's had a hard childhood. Maybe if I communicated better…

I remember sitting in my car after the podcast ended and just staring out the windshield. I couldn't stop thinking, “Oh my God… this is my relationship.” Nothing changed overnight. But I finally stopped lying to myself.

My healing wasn't one brave decision. It was a hundred messy ones.

I didn't leave the workshop and end my relationship. I wish that's how my story went. It isn't. I went home. Things got bad again. I stayed. I left. I went back. I left again.

But every time I doubted myself, I went back to something IgniteHer had shared. A blog. A podcast. A social media post. I kept reminding myself I wasn't imagining it.

One day I realized I wasn't opening his messages the second they came in anymore. I wasn't apologizing for everything anymore. Little by little, I started trusting myself again.

That's when my life finally started to change.